


50. Christina Ricci responds to Sam's ad

by alley_oops, jennandanica



Series: Citadel: Sam Worthington and Ryan Kwanten [50]
Category: Actor RPF, Australian Actor RPF, Citadel (Journalfen RPG), True Blood RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-11-03
Updated: 2008-11-03
Packaged: 2018-01-15 08:23:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 587
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1298068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alley_oops/pseuds/alley_oops, https://archiveofourown.org/users/jennandanica/pseuds/jennandanica
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Christina is played by tjournal.</p>
    </blockquote>





	50. Christina Ricci responds to Sam's ad

**Author's Note:**

> Christina is played by tjournal.

_**Christina Ricci--Crazy...with an email account**_  
There's a laundry list of things for Christina to blame for this plan - hormones, too much free time, residual insanity she'd like to blame on her mother, it's raining. It's a WEDNESDAY. There's a lot, okay and that's why - when Natalie kills her slowly and painfully (and not in a fun way) - she's going to mention all these things.

But she reads this -

 __  
Bisexual dominant actor, 34, based in L.A., looking for attractive female, 24-40, to act as beard. In committed relationship and living with boy. Would prefer lesbian or bisexual with current relationship of own to protect. Not necessarily actress. Must be comfortable with PDAs and be willing to travel and/or stay night occasionally in order to further cover. Must also be willing to attend film premieres and the occasional industry party. Expenses paid. If interested, please email sam_worthington@citadel.rpg

And she thinks. For several days. Compulsively. She thinks - this is a sign, an answer to all the things that have been worrying the living hell out of her. In the middle of the night, she writes this:  
  
 _Dear Cute Boys (at least one of you is, I have high hopes for the other),_

Hi, my name is Christina, long time fan, first time applying for my girlfriend to be a beard. Your situation is remarkably similar to ours and so I'm thinking - hey! Match Made in Fake Heaven!

So she's AMAZING and a Big Star who is about to get Bigger. Her career, not her boobs but then you don't care about that.

Anywho, we are very much in love and together and domestic and considering reproducing. And because we both work in La La Land, we have to fictionalize our Great Lesbian Love for the heteronormative masses.

In other words, she needs a beard, YOU need a beard, she's literally PERFECT and you will never find someone more amazing to have on your arm. She's loyal and beautiful and talented and frankly, it'll up your street cred for people to think you snagged her. Seriously. She's a princess.

So - I need to scope you guys out a bit before I suggest this to her (and I'm thinking of being pregnant when I tell her so the fetus can protect me from her death ray eyes).

Are you really in love? Are you nice? Will you treat her like she needs to be treated? That means vegan food, expensive champagne and a sweater when it's drafty. Will you say glowing beautiful things about her to the press? Will you respect her talent and her career and make the appropriate (fake) concessions when she takes jobs all over the world?

I hope we can figure something out because I love her and I want her career to be everything it can be and she needs to paint a picture that I can't be shaded into.

If you're interested and in the New York area, let me know - we can glare at each other over a table full of food.

Sincerely yours,  
Christina Ricci

It takes her two and a half hours to press send and when she does there's no real plan for "Breaking This To Natalie" aside from "Ducking When She Throws A Couch". But in her crazy little heart, Christina knows this is the best way to protect Natalie's career.

Being selfless is hard and it hurts and she's not sure she's doing it right in that case...but sleeping is a lot easier.  



End file.
